Meet the Parents!
by MilkIsAGoodSourceOfCalcium
Summary: When Claire's parents come to Morganville from Shane's point of view! "I best not say that out loud. I don’t think Claire could forgive me if her mom had a heart- attack." Cause of Death- Shane Collins it could happen


_**I do not own anything!**_

_**Meet the Parents.**_

My first thought as I turned down the corner of Lot Street, where the house stood was, 'Who the hell has parked _their _car on our _drive?_' Whoever had, better run, because after scooting around a dead guys house, I wasn't in the best of moods, and though I wasn't the politest, nicking someone's drive _isn't very nice._ Unless Michael has bought a new car, which makes me ponder (In the Shaniest way possible) why the _hell_ he bought _that one. I mean, it's not exactly a Ferrari._

I heard Claire's surprised cry, 'Oh my God,' and she stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk. OK, I know the car was horrible, but that was not a good idea, as she could easily make herself a nice, _immobile _snack for a vamp freak.

'OK, stopping? Not a great idea. Come on, Claire, let's-' I was cut off by Claire, who still _hadn't _made any attempt to move.

'That's my parents' car!' Oh fan-bloody-tastic. That's all I needed. So making a move on Claire would have to wait then. Wait? Making a move on Claire? Where did that come from?

'My parents are here! Oh my God!' Claire squealed, and tried to run away, but I grabbed her arm and steered her in the opposite direction.

'Better get it over with,' I reasoned, unenthusiastically. 'If they tracked you down this far, they're not going to leave without saying hello.' _I wish. Once they find out their daughter is living with a girl that looks like she's jumped out of some twisted horror movie, AND two hormonal males, there is no way they are just going to leave._

'Oh man! Let go!' Claire demanded. Claire demanding? Ha, now I've seen it all. _No time for dry humor now man. _Claire glared at me. _Correction- NOW I've seen it all. _I shot her a grin and gave her a cheeky, overdramatic bow. _SHE BLUSHED! I think. It's possible._

'You first.' I prodded her forward. 'I'm watching your back.' I was _perfectly _happy at watching her back. Because her back (And a little bit lower) was very _nice. Okay, Shane, this is not the time._

As we entered the house (Claire looking more worried at each passing second) I heard Eve's hurried, nervous voice, 'I'm sure she'll be here any time- she's, you know, at class, and-'

'Young lady, my daughter is not in class….' What a moody dude! He sounded _very, very pissed. _And Eve was getting owned by an old guy. So worth the watch… haha. This was going to be an amusing evening. As Claire's dad lectured _poor (haha)_ Eve, I couldn't help but shake with silent laughter. Claire cautiously pushed open the door. Let the fireworks begin!

'Claire!' Claire's mother almost tackled her, '_what are you doing here?' _

'Mom-'

'We were so worried about you after that terrible accident, but Les couldn't get off work until today-' By this point I was biting my lip down hard. Wait till they noticed _me! _They'd have a _fit! _

'It wasn't a big deal, Mom-' Yeah, course it wasn't. A psychopath tries to kill you, but that could happen to _anyone._ I best not say that out loud. I don't think Claire could forgive me if her mom had a heart- attack.

_Cause of Death- Shane Collins _(it could happen)

Claire's mom ranted a bit more. I wasn't really listening to the details, as I was too busy trying to control my laughter.

'Like what? Mom would you quit shaking me, I'm getting dizzy!' Claire complained, and her mom reluctantly let go, glaring. WOW she was scary for a small person.

Claire's dad was glowering at me. _Nice death stare_. I think someone's about to play the blame game.

'Is it him?' Told you. I have Shane Blame sensor.

'Not me,' I put in helpfully, ignoring Eve's _don't you dare say anything stupid _glares. 'I've just got that kind of face,' Claire's dad's face turned bright red. _Everyone clear the area, he's about to explode!_

'Shut up!' Claire hissed at me. She obviously didn't approve of my amusement. 'Shane's just my friend, Dad. Like Eve.' _Yeah, cos Eve looks so friendly._

' Eve?' The looks on their faces were priceless. 'You mean-' They looked slightly scared as they took in Eve, who looked like she was more capable of killing their daughter than befriending her. I almost doubled up. Eve smiled scarily at them and then shot me the finger when they'd turned away. I grabbed the kitchen counter for support.

Claire's mom looked as though she was about to faint. 'Claire, you used to have such _nice_ friends.' Nice, boring, Same thing really. 'What happened to Elizabeth?' Lizzy-no-laughs! That was a good one! Well done Shane!

'She went to Texas A & M, Mom.'

'That's no reason not to be friends.'

'Mom, Eve and Shane are two of my-' I could see Eve mouth, _don't say it! _Say it say it, say it! '- are two of my roommates-' Eve wailed a silent _noooooooo. _I tried to punch the air as discreetly as I could manage. '-Here. In this house.'

Silence. I was contemplating (big word) whether or not to shout 'BUM' to break it, when-

'Les? Did she say she was _living here?' _Claire's mom gasped_. That she did, ma'am. You should get your hearing checked out._

'Young Lady, you are not living here. You live in the dorm,' Daddy said sternly.

'I'm not. I'm living here, and that's my decision.' Go Claire!

'That's illegal! The rules said you had to live on campus. Claire! You can't just-'

'I can, I did. I'm not going back there.' _You got that right. Not with Miss. Bitch Monica trying to kill you._

Daddy fumed, 'Well, I'm not paying good money just to have you squat in some old wreck with a bunch of-_' Scary, layabout, slobby, weirdo thingys_? 'Friends.' I was close! 'And are they even in school?'

I decided my input was needed. 'I'm currently between majors.'

'Shut up!' _Ok, so the input wasn't exactly appreciated_-

'All right, that's it. Get your things, Claire. You're coming with us.' _What? Over my dead body is she going out at night. Suddenly, the situation didn't seem so funny_.

'No she isn't.' I said firmly. 'Not at night. Sorry.' _And by sorry, I mean I'm not sorry at all._

Now Claire's dad looked as if he wanted to punch me, 'Is this why you're here? Older boys? Living under the same roof?' _ What are you implying, mister? Ok, so the amusement is back. I'm not complaining._

'Oh, Claire.' Her mom sighed, 'You're too young for this. You-'

'Shane,' I offered.

'Shane, I'm sure you're a perfectly nice boy-' _Sure you are. It's not like you think I want to take advantage of your daughter or anything. _'But you have to understand that Claire is a very special girl, and she's very young,'

'She's a kid! She's sixteen! And if you took advantage of her-' _Hmmm. I'm surprised you even thought that. Not._

'Dad!' Claire's face was flaming with embarrassment, and it was rather cute actually. 'Enough already! Shane's my friend! Stop embarrassing me!'

'Embarrassing you? Claire, how do you think we feel?' Daddy roared. It was quite funny actually. His face turned purple and his eyes screwed up. But, by now, I was kinda pissed. Would he stop yelling at her?! Anger problems, much?

'I think maybe we'd all better sit down.' Michael's voice came from the top of the stairs. Finally? Where'd he been the last few minutes? Man of mystery that guy. Ahh, well, if anyone could calm them down it was Michael. He led Claire and her parents into the sitting room, and Eve and I sprinted to the kitchen.

_Oh please tell me they're stopping for dinner._

_That would be ace._

Whatcha think? I hope I got Shane just right. Please tell me your opinions in a review.

_**Ta- Sophxx**_


End file.
